Wednesday, April 18, 2007

One dollar angel...

My sister and I went to the cemetary this past week-end. It was a swampy mess with all the rain and wet snow we've been getting. There were dozens of seagulls patrolling the grounds, staring down as they walked, waiting for worms. Quite a sight, I wish I had taken a picture. All the Christmas wreaths were still propped up on their stands, most of them artificial, so they were still bright green, the flowers on them very red. A little garish.

Of course, our Mom and Dad's wreath was brown after sitting there for 4 months! Mom would be appalled. She'd say, "If you're going to wait until April to visit then you may as well get us the fake one next time." The little angel we bought to put on their wreath was pretty raggedy and mangey but I thought she withheld the winter quite well considering she was only wearing standard angel gear (thin gown and shawl), and she did just cost a dollar, after all.

So I had to bring her home; I should not even bother asking myself how I end up with so much stuff. Here she is:
A friend of mine told me that often the death of someone close to you becomes a time for personal growth, since you have no choice but to find ways to get yourself through the tough times. Working through all that I guess you find strength and a way to see the good in the sad. My major challenge has been - and still is - to focus on the extraordinary 79 years and 7 months my mother led as a healthy and active woman, and not dwell on her 3 last months when she was in hospital.

I have a sad moment or two every day with regards to my mom, but all in all I am a happy person. So much I want to do, and I'm lucky that I'm doing some of it now. My newest designs have been most satisfying and the least painful to create; maybe I am learning to just do it and not think about it so much. Wouldn't that be something?

My mother was not a religious person, but she believed she had an angel looking out for her when she beat cancer ten years ago; that angel - a positive thought, a prayer, a meditation, a wish, hope - did keep her where she wanted to be. I am going to hang onto this dollar store angel that has been keeping my parents' company for the winter...that is, if I can keep it out of the jaws of my cat...

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